tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44817539374408471652024-03-05T13:02:50.354+08:00Finding a LifeLife is a bitch that slaps you in the face and laugh the ass out of it!Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.comBlogger199125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-53344830248070086262016-11-02T23:37:00.000+08:002016-11-02T23:37:07.433+08:00What is wrong?If I ever come across anyone who would ask me "what is wrong?"...<br />
<br />
Boy boy boy...<br />
<br />
You want to know what is wrong?<br />
<br />
People go to school just to get good grades, not knowledge.<br />
<br />
Teachers go to school to prey on their students, mentally and physically.<br />
<br />
Politicians are siphoning off the people with no guilt.<br />
<br />
But what hit me the hardest?<br />
<br />
People who would not question to donate to religious houses but have every doubt to help the homeless, assuming that they are almost certainly fraud. Unwilling to even spend 5 minutes talking to them without ever having the slightest interest in their struggles. We could have saved a life by talking to a person who's depressed and on the edge of taking his/her own life but yet, we opt to spend time in religious houses, asking for forgiveness, blessing and what not.<br />
<br />
We could do better. Yet, most of us choose not to because at the end of the day, everyone (we assume) is a cheater. Perhaps that is what it takes to sleep better at night?Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-3231625189795017402016-08-02T19:10:00.000+08:002016-08-02T19:12:05.374+08:00Action in Reflection<div style="text-align: justify;">
So many years have passed since my last post! Much positive vibes compared to the 20 years old sore-butt! So here I am, graduated with a BSc (Hons) Biotech, taught in a college for a year (had a batch of Ausmat students whom graduated under my guidance, so much pride!) and finally gonna continue my MSc Molecular Science in UM! Tough luck with overseas application. Same problem, offered a place which I could not afford (albeit not feeling like the skies had felt on me)! Anyhow, that is not the point of this post.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As I mentioned earlier, I am attached to UM and I met an old uncle whom asked if I could spare him some change for a meal as I was leaving UM Medical Centre (where my lab is connected to). At a moment like this, we usually would have two options in mind:</div>
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<br /></div>
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a) Ignore him, he's a cheat!</div>
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b) Let's spare him some change.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Without second thought, I took my wallet out and handed him five RM1 notes (the only small change I have). He repeatedly thank me as I left to catch the bus. It has been a norm for me to hand a few ringgits or buy some food for those in need ever since I have started working in KL. I believed that my action can ease their struggle for a brief moment and would never hesitate to help whenever I can.</div>
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<br /></div>
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However, it felt very different this time. Once I got up the bus, I began to ponder upon the fate of the uncle. Why would he end up the way he is today? Do he need more than just the money? Then I began to realise that there is another option that I could have taken;</div>
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<br /></div>
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c) Offer him a meal together and have a chat as we dig through our meal.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The thought of spending time with a complete stranger who needed help continues to linger in my mind even as I am writing this. I felt that I helped in order to make myself feel better but I did not help him wholeheartedly. He might be physically hungry but I could have also helped him psychologically - to listen to his stories. Perhaps this reflection can serve as a reminder that I can do much more than just offering a few ringgits.</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-14309941507945218472014-07-23T02:53:00.000+08:002014-07-23T02:53:57.629+08:00Whilst the future unknown, so am IYears and years have passed, the soreness never.<br />
Like a cat hurled into a pool, trying its best to paddle ashore.<br />
Not to be drown, but to what awaits?<br />
<br />
Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?<br />
Or will there be a leprechaun with empty pockets?<br />
Unbeknownst to the traveller, the journey lasts for aeons.<br />
<br />
Let bygone be bygone, one may say.<br />
Perhaps a one-time hero fallen from grace is not worthy, another suggests.<br />
At the end, nobody can recall who he was.Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-60417301076542262232013-01-18T16:48:00.004+08:002013-01-19T21:58:10.454+08:00<div style="text-align: center;">
Ich bin klug nicht,</div>
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Ich bin reich nicht,</div>
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Ich bin stattlich nicht,</div>
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Ich bin groß und stark nicht,</div>
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Aber Ich habe ein reines Herz,</div>
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Das liebe dich tief und wild.</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-35034440866181345582013-01-01T04:21:00.004+08:002013-01-01T04:21:23.333+08:00<div style="text-align: center;">
Happiness is in the heart,</div>
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Excitement is in the heart,</div>
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Love is in the heart,</div>
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Pain is in the heart,</div>
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Despair is in the heart,</div>
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Death is in the heart,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You is in the heart.</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-12599526421960045382012-10-15T23:05:00.000+08:002012-10-15T23:05:51.158+08:00Epilepsy<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Totally forgotten my first aid skills today</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">when there was a guy who had epilepsy at cafeteria C. Was chatting with JS and suddenly heard a loud dropping sound. A guy went down on the floor and everyone just looking at him in shock. Went over to see him and saw signs of epilepsy, e.g. struggling, shaking, eyes open wide with pupil looking up and he started to frown. I was freaking out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.983333587646484px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Only remem</span><div class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">
bered one rule: Get help quick or he dies.</div>
</div>
</span><div class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;">
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17.983333587646484px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">First thing came in mind;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Run to the Department of Safety and Security to get an officer to send the poor fella to the clinic.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">The following action;</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Carried the patient into UTAR clinic together with Cjs Js, Leon Gautier and another passer-by.</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">In the clinic;</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"> Noob doctor asked me what happened when he should be able to determine the patient is having epilepsy and the clinic didn't not have any medication to inject the poor fella.</span></div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">He was sent to the hospital and I wonder how he is doing now. Hopes that he is okay.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">It made me miss those days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">The days where I wear my St.John uniform with pride.</span></div>
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It was all but gone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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At least I don't need to be a St.Johner to help the patient today.</div>
</span></div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-14701591831033727202012-08-11T02:04:00.001+08:002012-08-11T02:04:13.226+08:00Past One Year<div style="text-align: center;">
Days have pass and months have gone..</div>
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How was your life the past one year?</div>
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Approximately one year ago, I was at JPA office, Cyberjaya.</div>
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With hopes that my dream of studying in UCL can somehow be fulfilled. At that very day, my dream was taken away and reality have taught me not to dream big. But the dream didn't not end there. I was given the slightest of hope - a defer. Another one year time to fulfil my dream.</div>
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One year have past since that day.</div>
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The dream have officially died out a few days ago where I have no choice but to decline the offer of my lifetime remorsefully. Once again, I am pulled away from the utopia that I am looking for. Ever further.</div>
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So, how have it been for the past one year?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Ich bin nicht traurig, aber ich bin nicht zufrieden!</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-11596720872414989632012-04-12T21:09:00.001+08:002012-04-12T21:09:37.727+08:00In search...<div style="text-align: center;">
My academic performance have been declining since form 3.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
At times I really want to know what had happened for the past 6 years. What had changed? I am after all, still the same Ivan Ho Yee Man. Why am I not performing even half as good? Or is it that I am deteriorating as a student?</div>
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I understand that many things happened.</div>
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My SPM result, not getting a scholarship, not getting the desired A-Level result, not getting to UCL, yadda yadda. Perhaps I am demotivated? And allowed myself to slack? Or simply because I don't enjoy studying any more?</div>
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Crap.</div>
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I miss leading the pack. I miss being successful.</div>
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I miss being able to answer every question the teacher can throw at me.</div>
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I NEED AN ANSWER!!!</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-10860489637778226782012-04-09T01:51:00.000+08:002012-04-09T01:51:19.439+08:00Future and action?<div style="text-align: center;">
Plan is nothing but a plan unless action is taken.</div>
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Future is not known but can be planned.</div>
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But a planned future with action taken is yet clear until time tells.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I was and still am the boy with a plan.</div>
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However, not all my plans were successful.</div>
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I.e. the girl I've once loved seems to be more like a stranger now, the institute that I've planned to study in seems like a far-reach, taking up guitar was delayed from year to year and etc.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But not all hopes are lost as I know its a fight worth fighting. </div>
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Life itself is an uphill fight and I've yet fail. Everything happens for a reason. There are things that are not meant to be or maybe the time is not right. Now that I've entered UTAR for about 6 months. I realised there are more to life than achieving these plans. The girl I once loved may seem to be ideal but well, we will never know. But one thing I'm very sure of. There is someone that fits and that we will complement each other. And that someone have already be in my life for nearly 4 months now. Life is merrier this way.</div>
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As for studies, I've lost some of my flair and desire on that.</div>
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There are things that I do feel sour about but nonetheless, I've moved on. At least I am still given the chance to study and get a bachelor's degree. And my plan to study overseas are not lost - I still have my masters and phd. I've taken the initiatives and have gotten the offer once. Why not try harder and get it once more? I've nothing to lose right? There are plans that I have to scrape but some are worth the effort.</div>
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I keep telling myself "don't stop planning, don't give up!".</div>
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Current plans:</div>
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1. Keep a healthy relationship.</div>
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2. Get my degree with First Class Honours.</div>
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3. Get a scholarship to study at UK for my masters.</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-3342123771166301732012-03-17T15:13:00.001+08:002012-03-17T15:13:33.088+08:00Blog Revival<div style="text-align: center;">
Kayu suddenly posted on my Facebook wall yesterday.</div>
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"Blog dead?"</div>
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It reminded me of how long I've not updated my blog. So, bro, this one's for you!</div>
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<br /></div>
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All I could say is I procrastinate </div>
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and have became lazier by the days since I've come to UTAR. I realised this since a few weeks ago, during my mid-term. I could have studied like I used to and score perfect marks for both Chemistry and Maths and perhaps even Biodiversity. Instead, I spent my time enjoying - Football Manager, badminton, futsal, pool, karaoke, yadda yadda. Worse still, I am chilling though my results wasn't that good. Sometimes I do ask myself, "Ivan Ho, where have you gone to?" Perhaps I am still sour over the lost opportunity to study in UCL. Need help from my psychology friends, I guess.</div>
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Okay, screw that.</div>
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Anyway, its good to know that there is still people concerned about me, at least my blog still have its no.1 fan a.k.a Ean Foo a.k.a Kayu. Its sort of a way of communication between us I guess, since we seldom meet each other and rarely have the time to talk about our lives. We're lucky we still do think of each other sometimes. Recently I've been disheartened by a friend whom I appreciate very much and whom have totally forgotten about my birthday. Well, perhaps all your studies, events and outings have made you too busy to even think about me. Or maybe I'm not even in your list of friends in the first place. I still wish you well though.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Many things have happened recently.</div>
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I'll talk about them in the next post or so. If not, Kayu could not stalk me, eh? Haha. Ciao, bro!</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-37579043535430024212011-11-23T07:12:00.001+08:002011-11-23T07:14:51.075+08:00Imperfect or Perfect?<div style="text-align: center;">
In this world, there is no perfect or imperfect.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It is a measure in which is self-defined. As a perfectionist, I may not be happy with what others consider "perfect". At the same time, I never think of myself as perfect. Not even near. Thus, I conclude that it is just our conception on something. And sometimes, we just need to set our mindset in a way that perfection is achievable in our own standards. It is the perfection of imperfection or imperfection of perfection (depends on how you want to decipher it) that makes something or someone perfect.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Everything is imperfect, therefore, everything is perfect."</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-66078263958296877252011-11-16T04:09:00.001+08:002011-11-16T04:14:21.485+08:00Congestion<div style="text-align: center;">
Our life is like a stretch of endless road.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Within this endless road lies intersections of traffic. We never know when it will be congested and when it will not be. And within this system, there are no traffic lights, whatsoever. The only way to control the traffic is by the flow itself. Hence, if there is a flaw in the system, the traffic will become chaotic and accidents happen. As we know, nothing in life is perfect. Thus, this system is bound to fail and that is when we experience the downsides of life.</div>
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GOD, I'm so CONGESTED with life.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Can you spare me a traffic light to control this traffic flow for just a moment?</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com1Kampar, Perak, Malaysia4.311012 101.15187194.184342 100.9939434 4.437682 101.3098004tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-35769230438395657992011-10-22T02:23:00.001+08:002011-10-22T02:23:44.317+08:00uNEW Life<div style="text-align: center;">
First post since I've been in UTAR~!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Its been almost 2 weeks that I've been in a new environment.</div>
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I've enrolled in a university that is know by many but understand by few. Most people know the university only by its name, University Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR). The uni is still relatively young and the location of my campus is quite secluded in a small town called Kampar in the state of Perak, about an hour away from Ipoh.</div>
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Though not my first choice, might as well be the last,</div>
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I am beginning to feel that this place is quite serene and to my liking. Life here could be much simpler than the previous chapters of my life. I can set my own pace and make sure I do not stray from my goal - to get education and a way to break away from the cycle on which I'm stuck within. In other words, I am glad I can finally get a taste of higher learning despite the dramas before.</div>
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All the horrible things that I've heard about this place</div>
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vanished just as the anger and disappointment in the chamber within me have slowly faded. Instead, cycling along the lakeside made me feel free. Unarguably, nature is one of the best cures. UTARians are proud of this campus and we call it the UTAR Lakeside campus - we have not one but two lakes. Though the weather is a little bit weird but everything else is good. The faculties are well equipped, stylish buildings, a large beautiful library, etc etc. What else could I ask for?</div>
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<br /></div>
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It is a norm where an institute have many students</div>
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produces a number of good results, a bigger number of average results and a considerable number (higher than good, lower than average) of bad results. The public perception lies only on the latter two as they are the larger portion of the number. However, those who did well are really the creme de la creme in their field of study. Our university care less about publicity because it is not necessary. They are not making much profit from the students as the education provided are for the lower earning class. Cheap and affordable education.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As for the lecturers, </div>
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there are quite many of them here. Most of them are doing their PhD's and some of them are professors. Though some of them have a relatively poor command in English, they really have the heart and soul in teaching. The best thing for me is the lecturers that are doing their PhD research - they allow a window of opportunity for me to get involved in their work and gain valuable experience. As for now, I am taking all social science and business subjects. Boring as they are, they might come in handy when I start my career. We complain but at the same time we are aware of the usefulness of the subjects. That is just how humans operate.</div>
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Anyways, I think I gonna enjoy my life here.</div>
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Whether it is a year or 3, my time here will not be wasted. Must live my life to the fullest and enjoy my new life as an UTARian. We are benevolent dictators of our own life, we rule the kingdom within our heart and soul. Thus, we must learn to protect the kingdom, keep the morale high and make sure life is good no matter what is thrown at us!</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-66976742104098742492011-09-28T16:23:00.001+08:002011-09-28T16:28:08.485+08:00Experiment: AFFb<div style="text-align: center;">
I've been so bored the past few weeks.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Figured that I'll do a little experiment code-named AFFb; Away From Facebook.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<u>Problem statement</u></div>
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How many notification and messages will I get when I'm away from Facebook for a week?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Hypothesis</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The number of notification and messages will be the multiplication by seven times to the average daily number of notification and messages.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Apparatus & Materials</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Laptop, internet connection, my Facebook account</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Variables</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Constant : My Facebook account</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Manipulated : Login time in Facebook, a week away.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Responding : Number of notification and messages.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Procedure</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
1. Login Facebook for 2 consecutive days.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
2. Record the number of notification and messages.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
3. Logout Facebook and stay away from it for a week.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
4. Login Facebook and record the number of notification and messages.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
5. The datas are tabulated.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Datas</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Day 1 Day 2 Day 9</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Number of notifications 2 3 6</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Number of messages 0 0 2</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<u>Conclusion</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The number of notification and messages that I get in a week is not equal to the multiplication by seven of my average daily number of notification and messages. The hypothesis is not acceptable.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Gosh. I'm so lifeless.</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-14282843848559724672011-09-21T20:22:00.001+08:002011-09-21T20:22:45.352+08:00<div style="text-align: center;">
Practice makes perfect.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A person who fails regularly will make the perfect failure.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But failure is the first step towards success.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So when that person is the perfect failure, it is only the first step.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then it is the process that matters most and we should enjoy it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Means he must enjoy failing.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Success is a mere product.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Man, my journey is only at the beginning of the first step.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Long way to go.</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-11780188789076876372011-09-19T05:17:00.003+08:002011-09-19T05:17:49.857+08:00<div style="text-align: center;">
There are nights which I just couldn't get myself to sleep.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When I close my eyes, I could see that hopeless boy who can't do anything to change his life and couldn't move on. Then I look deeper into this figure and realise I'm actually looking at myself. Life is cruel when you're at the wrong end of it. We've got to fight long and hard for what we want. At the end, we're not sure what we could get from the battles we've fought.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The glorious victories are all but fruitful.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The gains are temporary and the fame doesn't last. Look at your life and think again. What are dreams that we once dreamed? What was the goal that we wanted to achieve? What was the path that we've set our foot on? What is ahead?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am estranged and confined in a puny space of nothingness.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
As hard as I could try, the shackles will only tightens. The key is within grasp but it was just a mirage created by pure imagination of a boy who are beaten, tired and wanting to get himself out of this mess. What is the use of a big heart when it is not meant for this petty world? What is worthy when everything else doesn't matter? And what is going on with life?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need an answer!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Please give an answer to my life!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Show me where I went wrong!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm asphyxiating in this radical state!</div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-33885416358707998292011-09-06T15:34:00.000+08:002011-09-06T15:34:50.934+08:00Miraculous<div style="text-align: center;">
Life is really miraculous.<br />
It is a smooth sail for some. And for the rest, it is nothing less than a ride at Hades' backyard. You'll be tempted, trialed and tempered in the fire of Hell. Nothing you do seems to be easy. Each time you see the shores, only to realize that it is another deserted island with hungry demons waiting to cut the flesh out of your skin one piece at a time.<br />
<br />
Understanding that staying idle will not help,<br />
you paddled across the endless sea. Under the roaring sea are shadows of vicious creatures with tentacles, fins and jaws waiting for a meal. Soon, your energy runs, dehydration sets in and delusions seems like reality. Finally you collapsed under exhaustion. The world seems much better as you're drifting in your semi-conscious state. Your thoughts are the acme of power and everything that you've ever dreamed are all happening at the second that it crosses your mind. The sky's the limit! At this moment, you feel all suffering and pain is gone.<br />
<br />
Life is miraculous.<br />
Suddenly you heard a loud bang and shaken you out of your fake euphoria. Reluctantly, you open your eyes and saw a beam of bright silvery light over the horizon. Home is right in front of your face. Your family waiting at the doors, excitement written on their face. You sprinted like you've never felt the firm grounds before and your mother gracefully open her arms like an angle spreading her wings to embrace you in her warmth. Stunned, you felt blood shots in your eyes as if you're staring at the eyes of Medusa with six inch of hard cold steel piercing through your stomach.<br />
<br />
As it turned out,<br />
everything was nothing more than an illusion. Your mind was playing tricks on you. The home that you saw was a thick forest and your family members are individual trees. That you've sprinted towards a tree trunk and had your stomach ripped by a splint of a remaining branch. However, the physical pain were not felt. Instead, a sharp, intense torment of all hopes are lost was the only feeling that can be felt. You dropped down on your knees and felt on your side. Curled like a baby in a mother's womb, you were shivering like a robbery victim that was stabbed and left to die a slow, lonely death.<br />
<br />
Slowly but surely,<br />
your mind slips into emptiness. Everything seems to have come to an abrupt pause - the breeze stopped blowing, the water seized flowing, the leaves suspended in mid air. Like a faulty television, your vision begun to turn grey, blurry with occasional lapses. Your body creeps from shivering cold to numb and finally to nothingness. You can hear nothing but the fading beats of your weakening heart desperately trying its best to pump blood to your brains. The volume knob twisted to less than a whisper. The world turned ever so silent. Nothing seen, nothing felt, nothing heard, nothing seems to add up. NOTHING! Pitch black.<br />
<br />
"Am I dead?"<br />
That was the last thing in mind. As you were sinking into your "death", you had ignored a feeble, minute bark. A bark so familiar that it ringed in your head with a steady increasing intensity. Eventually the barking brought you back to your senses. At the end, you realize that it was your dog barking at the early rubbish truck. It feels so good that it was all but a dream.<br />
LIFE IS MIRACULOUS.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-84845025860607110232011-08-21T06:26:00.002+08:002011-08-21T06:44:24.703+08:00What If?<div style="text-align: center;">Spent the whole night thinking "what if?"</div><div style="text-align: center;">It is nights like this that often bring me back to time - flashing back the things that I've done and those that I didn't either out of lack of guts or there are no other ways. Pieces of us are formed by the bits from our past and what we do now is going to determine the future.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I find it funny how my life worked out.</div><div style="text-align: center;">In everything I do, I started off with a bang then I slowly fades away into shadows of nothingness. Perhaps I'm designed that way? Like a processor designed to last for a certain amount of time before it starts to heat up and slows down?</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Thinking back, I am bemused with my actions in the past.</div><div style="text-align: center;">There are things that I've done which are silly, some malicious and some are for what the heck. To the account, I've done little things that are correct or appropriate.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Its scary when I ask myself "what if?"</div><div style="text-align: center;">What if I never joined anything back in high school? Not giving anyone a chance to sabotage me?</div><div style="text-align: center;">What if I've never break down back then? Could I have done better academically?</div><div style="text-align: center;">What if I've chosen not to take A-levels? Maybe I'm better off?</div><div style="text-align: center;">All of these shows how weak and insecure I really am.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">It is nights like this that will soon drive me crazy. </div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-70650355473249438042011-08-17T01:33:00.002+08:002011-08-17T02:11:13.783+08:00Shaken But Not Shattered<div style="text-align: center;">Things aren't going as how I've planned.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Its quite frustrating. My scholarship plan is at a stand still. Its been 3 months since I've gotten my unconditional offer. With each day passing by, I feel the tension mounting on my shoulders. I feel depressed and over time, the depression have affected my daily routines.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Few days back,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've read an article about depression and found out that I have a few symptoms that are stress related. First of all, I've hypersomnia (sleeping extensive hours) paired with insomnia (unable to sleep at night). My usual sleeping hours are between 3-4am to 1-2pm. Nasty stuff. Then, joint pains especially the knee and ankles. Thirdly, deterioration of memory - I often forget things that I want to say or said by others. And finally, a feeling of laziness (yes, it is stress related) in everything I do.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Thinking back,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am actually giving myself an excuse not to do things. Blame it on the scholarship, don't do anything cause you're not feeling like doing it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Hello?</div><div style="text-align: center;">The scholarship is not the only thing in life! Its crucial but hey, you've loads of stuff waiting for you! Your bicycle is left idle, half repaired. Your brains is rusty and in need of refreshment. Your house have stuffs to be fixed. Get your lazy ass off the coach and do some work!</div><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Indeed my confidence are running low.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Like a basketball match, I need to call a timeout - to regroup, reset and boast morale. I've teammates that are always there for me. It is not the end even if we loses out. The utmost importance is that we never gave up and fought till the end. Set my life straight and continue fighting. There is no need to fear the future for we are the ones that make them possible. Life might be a bitch but we're living it anyways. So, why not making the best out of it? I'm not giving up. Everything you throw at me can shake but not shatters me.</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-516154048198498572011-08-04T00:40:00.003+08:002011-08-04T01:19:19.812+08:00What's wrong with me?<div style="text-align: center;">"EVERYTHING"</div><div style="text-align: center;">..</div><div style="text-align: center;">...</div><div style="text-align: center;">....</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yes, everything is wrong if you're asking me what's wrong.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My sister told me that I'm the one that she know the least.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The crux is that I've no idea how to talk to people about myself anymore. What I say seems to be wrong for people around me. People are telling me of how selfish I am and of how relentless I am. Some even say that what I believe is of fantasy and I never face reality as I should.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I was once obsessed with stepping out of Kelvin's shadow.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It was not the desired life that I have. The idea became an obsession that backfired and had me licking my wounds - it took me a year to get back on my feet. From that day forth, I told myself I will live my life as how I've desired all the while - become a researcher.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I knew the road to reach my goal would be hard.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've always told myself to make every hardship a stepping stone to success. Life's a game and I can't afford to lose now because there are no checkpoints that I can save and restart a chapter again. I've went this far and finally my endeavors are acknowledged by an university of high reputation. However, my journey is put into a long and painful halt.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I clinch onto the prospect of getting into UCL tightly and unwilling to give up.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Now, people tell me that is wrong.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Some even told me to give it up. Perplexed, I am unsure of what life will I live if its not going down the path that I've weaved through the years. What is a life if everything you envisioned vanish? Everything that you've worked for crumbled, rubble under the carnage of failure. Life would suck.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've tried so hard to be ordinary.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want to study! Why must my life be so hard that each step taken, a boulder adds on my shoulder? Can life be more polite to me?</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-65279109050807469202011-07-18T21:38:00.002+08:002011-07-19T01:31:53.019+08:00Bicycle Restoration<div style="text-align: center;">Recently, mom have been saying</div><div style="text-align: center;">that she should exercise (though we know she doesn't have the motivation). So, Kelvin provided the tool (also the motivation) for mom and dad to exercise - bicycles. That have given me an idea as well - why don't I grab my bike and cycle along with them?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Its been 3 years since my bike's last duty.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It served me 4 years till Form 5. Ever since, its kept at a corner and forgotten entirely. The carnage - rusted parts, punctured wheels, moldy seat, brown chains, and pretty much everything is not working. The solution? Take it down to parts, clean them and change any parts that are due to be terminated.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">As a gift from my grandpa,</div><div style="text-align: center;">my bike is not the fanciest bike but it was good enough to be used as a daily transportation to school. It was an old bike of a neighbor and grandpa did some restoration before handling it to me.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Fixing up the bike have brought me closer to grandpa.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Not physically of course. Spiritually speaking. Now I can see the amount of effort he had put onto the bike. It feels like I'm going down the path he had gone to and it feels good. It makes me appreciate the bike more and that I want to make it look awesome. After all, it is what grandpa have left for me. Plus, I've got all the time I have.</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-75930111747827471682011-06-14T22:43:00.002+08:002011-06-14T23:27:42.602+08:00Jogging<div style="text-align: center;">I am an outdoor person.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I love what nature provides and really enjoy being surrounded by greenery. Thus, any outdoor activities are something I really look forward to.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">One of the best things I found outdoors is jogging.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Jogging is the best stress reliever for me. Back in college, I spend 1 hour every Saturday morning just to jog a few rounds at my TARC hostel compound then another 2 rounds around TBR. My roommate even think that I'm crazy with running around. I think that running is just in me.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">When I start running,</div><div style="text-align: center;">all that is left in mind is forward - the urge to keep running. During any jogs, I tend to push myself. I don't need to think anything other than keep running. All my problems seem irrelevant. I just keep telling myself "just a little bit more". The "little bit more" meant a lot more actually. I can run another 30 minutes non-stop when I tell myself so. Another thing is that I feel free when I'm running. (Maybe too much of Forest Gump - Run Forest, Run!)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Unfortunately, very few of my friends enjoy jogging.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Many of them prefer tea instead. Though I enjoy jogging alone, it would be nice if there is someone to jog with. We can share as we go. For now, I'll just have to go on alone till I see somebody who would raise his/her hand to tag along.</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-18989575065393368722011-06-08T02:48:00.003+08:002011-06-08T03:24:30.906+08:00Reality<div style="text-align: center;">The reality in this world is always cruel.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It never sympathizes the unfortunate nor it will be generous to the poor. It is so cold that it send chills to the heart. It shows us how lonely we really are. Sometimes, reality sends a rain of needle piercing through one's heart that it hurt so much, everything will just go numb.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">In reality, we should realise,</div><div style="text-align: center;">that every individual have their own lives, their own problems, their own issues. Humans are selfish being. Perhaps that is why we need godly figures that can demonstrate selflessness to the world - someone or something that we can rely on. How about the atheist and non-believers? Well, they have to rely on themselves. If they rely on someone else (including family members, the other half, best friends, etc etc) too much, they will soon discover that they can't solve their own problems and these people will not (even if they can) help them out.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Reality will not follow ideals.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Life is not always as planned - things can go wrong anytime, anywhere, anyhow. You can plan your life anyhow you like but in the end it really depends. When a plan go wrong, we have no other options but to tweak ourselves to blend in. That's one thing that many failed to do. Human often think that they are the being born to lead (if not conquer) other living beings - having the brains and capability to do stuff. We fret when things don't go as planned because we aren't prepared for it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Although reality is not always bad,</div><div style="text-align: center;">we must prepare ourselves for the worst. We need to solve our own problems. We need to stay up strong against all odds. Even though sometimes we feel cold at night, we need to embrace ourselves with our own hands and tell ourselves that it will be okay. This is because we are all we have and if we lose that, we lose it all. Thus, we must not give ourselves up and must get through whatever life throws at us!</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-58548504025239087832011-06-03T15:32:00.003+08:002011-06-03T16:11:12.842+08:00Journey Week 1<div style="text-align: center;">Arghhhh..</div><div style="text-align: center;">Of all the emails that I've sent to all the sponsors, none replied. MCA Youth have not replied either and apparently their phone is out of service. So, there are no ways I can contact them. Man, this i getting more and more frustrating.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Everybody at home seems to have lost faith.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Dad and mom are already telling Kelvin that I'm not getting a scholarship. I thought parents should be more supportive. They only thing that they see in me is a kid who procrastinates and doesn't do any good. Each time I'm sitting in front of my computer, only one thing come in their minds - I am playing games AGAIN.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">How can I end up being so screwed?</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4481753937440847165.post-80030428553168913752011-05-27T01:35:00.003+08:002011-05-27T01:44:53.105+08:00Journey Day 3<div style="text-align: center;">Day 3 and still no progress.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Written an email to MCA Youth to ask for a supporting letter as told when I called them a day earlier. Besides that, saw the news on newspaper stating that Datuk Chua Soi Lek announce that MCA will be preparing 30 mil loan to students who are in financial need. That is good news assuming that I could not secure a scholarship from any of the sponsors.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The email I wrote to the Head of JPA Scholarship was rejected.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Apparently, my email was too long that their system rejected it. Gotta write another shorter version. Have to get his attention first before any further action.</div>Ivan何育文http://www.blogger.com/profile/06731110627005101905noreply@blogger.com0