Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Shaken But Not Shattered

Things aren't going as how I've planned.
Its quite frustrating. My scholarship plan is at a stand still. Its been 3 months since I've gotten my unconditional offer. With each day passing by, I feel the tension mounting on my shoulders. I feel depressed and over time, the depression have affected my daily routines.

Few days back,
I've read an article about depression and found out that I have a few symptoms that are stress related. First of all, I've hypersomnia (sleeping extensive hours) paired with insomnia (unable to sleep at night). My usual sleeping hours are between 3-4am to 1-2pm. Nasty stuff. Then, joint pains especially the knee and ankles. Thirdly, deterioration of memory - I often forget things that I want to say or said by others. And finally, a feeling of laziness (yes, it is stress related) in everything I do.

Thinking back,
I am actually giving myself an excuse not to do things. Blame it on the scholarship, don't do anything cause you're not feeling like doing it.

The scholarship is not the only thing in life! Its crucial but hey, you've loads of stuff waiting for you! Your bicycle is left idle, half repaired. Your brains is rusty and in need of refreshment. Your house have stuffs to be fixed. Get your lazy ass off the coach and do some work!

Indeed my confidence are running low.
Like a basketball match, I need to call a timeout - to regroup, reset and boast morale. I've teammates that are always there for me. It is not the end even if we loses out. The utmost importance is that we never gave up and fought till the end. Set my life straight and continue fighting. There is no need to fear the future for we are the ones that make them possible. Life might be a bitch but we're living it anyways. So, why not making the best out of it? I'm not giving up. Everything you throw at me can shake but not shatters me.

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