Saturday, May 29, 2010

Just a little more...

I'm really tired and congested with exams...
Its choking me up.
Another two weeks and I'm done with it.
It seems short but time passes by really slow...
Every second kills...
Its not a matter of pushing myself or not.
Its about how long can I go on with this.
Nobody understands me, including myself.
It really do.
I keep telling myself: Just a little more...
Truth be told, I'm nearing my limits...
Perhaps that little more will be more than enough to topple me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Soaring the Skies

I've spread my wings, running down the tracks and off the edge to soar above the clear blue sky...
Looking down at bird eye's view, a question came in mind - am I really flying or plummeting towards the grounds below?

There's an old saying, the higher you go, the harder you'll fall.
I'm aiming for the highest.
Will that make my fall the hardest?

It was a choice that I've made.
Now that I'm at airborne, there's nothing left to worry.
I will not close my eyes in fear of the fall and I will proudly say: at least I've tried.
Its a risk worth taking and I've nothing to lose.
A person who have nothing to lose is as good as a hungry lion.
If I'm going to succeed, there's a chance to say "hi!" to the eagles.

"Flying is no longer a dream, a dream is no longer a fantasy, a fantasy is no longer unachievable"

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Stressed Out

I might not look exactly like that cat...
But somehow, somewhat and someway I'm pretty sure that I'm stressed out...

Its been the 4th day since I've not been sleeping well...
Each night when I decide to head for bed, my brains went blank and all I do is stare at the ceiling. I've tried to stuff the earphone in my ears and blast my way to sleep - an effective way during the last semester. But it never work this time.

My inability to contain my temper is getting worst and is beginning to affect my life...
Just last evening, I've almost got myself into fight during basketball - a sport that I love and channels all my frustration towards the game. The match was intense and like always, I hate to play rough and it happens that the guy I'm guarding exploited that. As my frustration build up (due to the number of wasted opportunities and my teammate's solo play) the guy exceeded my limit by continually hitting my back. I've gave him a taste of my serious defence and in turn, he got frustrated with me. We were all cool after the match though.
Desperately in need of some anger management advice now...

Impatience tags along with temper.
And I'm growingly impatient about things around me.
Its a flaw that I never manage to repair.

Worst still, there's nobody to talk to...
I just wish somebody, anybody would have text me and ask "how are you?".

With half the battle lying ahead, I'm starting to show congestion - both physically and mentally.
My hope and dreams are in my hands. I can't afford to screw up my life once again. Swim or sink, do or die. Gotta get myself through even if it means getting myself battered and exhausted. Screw my health. I'll have one shot left.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I don't know what to study

This is exactly how I feel when it comes to studying Physics...


Q: What's your fav food?
A: CHEE-ken

Q: What's your fav drink?
A: CHEE-ncau

Q: What's your fav dessert?
A: Lai CHEE kang

Q: Name one fruit.

Q: What will you get when you ferment cow's milk?
A: CHEE-se

Q: What will you get when you make prawn brains into a paste?
A: CHEE-n cha lok

Q: What's your race?
A: CHEE-na

Q: When someone provoke you, what would you say?
A: CHEE-s!

Q: When you're comforting someone, what's the first words you'll say?
A: Hey, CHEE-l lar!

Q: Who won the FA Cup and EPL?
A: CHEE-l-sea

Q: Which basketball team did MJ played for?
A: CHEE-chago Bulls

Q: Which CHEE is the best?
A: Esther CHEE Yuen Teng

Happy Birthday to my fav CHEE!!!

Its your turn to be OLD and flabby, Esther CHEE!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I can't f**king SLEEP!!!

As the day creeps nearer and nearer,
my sleeping time becomes more and more irregular.
There are times that I seem to be chilling.
And times that I seem to be confident.

Deep beneath,
I am trying to tell myself this;
"It is okay, you'll do fine."
Self-comforting, in other words - cheating myself.
When I close my eyes, I'll be questioning myself what my future might be?
It is becoming blurrer and blurrer as thought a cloud of mist is engulfing it.
I've no where to go, no where to hide.

The day that I might take poll position ahead of Kelvin seems further and further.
There's an obvious gap, a steep gradient of prowess between us that forms an impermeable barrier that I once thought I am possible of permeating.
Theoretically, we are of the same blood and I must be capable of reaching the standard he had set for me.
"A hardworking student is as good as a lazy genius. Imagine what a hardworking genius is capable of..."
That still rings in my mind.
Perhaps I'm not half as good as Kelvin.
Thus, the rule doesn't applies.

Even if I'm able to ignore that,
another question pops in mind.
It really isn't the time but hell, I'm thinking of her quite a lot.
Heck, she's there when I feel down but for the past one month, she's been very busy with assignments, meetings, finals and camp.
I've no one to talk to.
After all, I must play the usual Mr.Chilling at college.
I must admit I misses her and have been seriously thinking about the next move.
The ramification, however, is almost 99.9% catastrophic.
I must be stupid to do anything dumb now.

All the things playing in my mind is really excruciating.
I've been trying to sleep but it was in vain.
Nothing can stop me from thinking.
Perhaps I should take on the simplest method - bang my head against the wall and hope that I can collapse without leaving a hemorrhage.
I've not given up though - in everything.
Its a path of no regrets.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


This blog will be dead for May/June due to the coming AS exam.
Will be posting all the events during this time frame after the exam.
In the mean time, gotta study and work harder to get straight As.
By the way, I'm just 1 mark short of the top Bio spot.
Its a racemix of happiness and sadness.
Anyhow, wish me luck!