Thursday, August 4, 2011

What's wrong with me?

Yes, everything is wrong if you're asking me what's wrong.

My sister told me that I'm the one that she know the least.
The crux is that I've no idea how to talk to people about myself anymore. What I say seems to be wrong for people around me. People are telling me of how selfish I am and of how relentless I am. Some even say that what I believe is of fantasy and I never face reality as I should.

I was once obsessed with stepping out of Kelvin's shadow.
It was not the desired life that I have. The idea became an obsession that backfired and had me licking my wounds - it took me a year to get back on my feet. From that day forth, I told myself I will live my life as how I've desired all the while - become a researcher.

I knew the road to reach my goal would be hard.
I've always told myself to make every hardship a stepping stone to success. Life's a game and I can't afford to lose now because there are no checkpoints that I can save and restart a chapter again. I've went this far and finally my endeavors are acknowledged by an university of high reputation. However, my journey is put into a long and painful halt.

I clinch onto the prospect of getting into UCL tightly and unwilling to give up.

Now, people tell me that is wrong.
Some even told me to give it up. Perplexed, I am unsure of what life will I live if its not going down the path that I've weaved through the years. What is a life if everything you envisioned vanish? Everything that you've worked for crumbled, rubble under the carnage of failure. Life would suck.

I've tried so hard to be ordinary.
I just want to study! Why must my life be so hard that each step taken, a boulder adds on my shoulder? Can life be more polite to me?

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