What If?

Spent the whole night thinking "what if?"

It is nights like this that often bring me back to time - flashing back the things that I've done and those that I didn't either out of lack of guts or there are no other ways. Pieces of us are formed by the bits from our past and what we do now is going to determine the future.

I find it funny how my life worked out.

In everything I do, I started off with a bang then I slowly fades away into shadows of nothingness. Perhaps I'm designed that way? Like a processor designed to last for a certain amount of time before it starts to heat up and slows down?

Thinking back, I am bemused with my actions in the past.

There are things that I've done which are silly, some malicious and some are for what the heck. To the account, I've done little things that are correct or appropriate.

Its scary when I ask myself "what if?"

What if I never joined anything back in high school? Not giving anyone a chance to sabotage me?

What if I've never break down back then? Could I have done better academically?

What if I've chosen not to take A-levels? Maybe I'm better off?

All of these shows how weak and insecure I really am.

It is nights like this that will soon drive me crazy.